to the dear wife

One night, a husband and wife were having a conversation over dinner.


Wife: What would you do if I died? Would you get married again?


Husband: Definitely not!


Wife: Why not - don't you like being married?


Husband: Of course I do.


Wife: Then why wouldn't you remarry?


Husband: Okay, I'd get married again.


Wife: You would? (with a hurtful look on her face)


Husband: (makes audible groan)


Wife: Would you sleep with her in our bed?


Husband: Where else would we sleep?


Wife: Would you put away my pictures, and replace them with pictures of her?


Husband: That would seem like the proper thing to do.


Wife: And would you let her use my golf clubs?


Husband: She can't use them; she's left-handed.


Wife: - - - silence - - -


Husband: shit.

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why gays cant do crime

Two lovers fall on hard times and
decided to rob a bank together.
The first lover plans the robbery and
goes over the plan with the second lover
in great detail.
The robbery begins.
The first lover drives up in front of the
bank, stops the car and says to the other
lover, "I want to make absolutely sure
you understand the plan. You are
supposed to be in and out of the bank in
no more than three minutes with the
cash. Do you understand the plan?"
"Perfectly," he said.
He goes in the bank while the other
waits in the getaway car.
One minute passes, two minutes
pass...seven minutes pass - and the first
lover is really stressing out.
Finally, the bank doors burst open and
out he comes. He's got a safe wrapped
up in rope and is dragging it to the car.
About the time he gets the safe in the
trunk of the car, the bank doors burst
open again with the security guard
coming out.
The guard's pants and underwear are
down around his ankles while he is firing
his weapon.
As the guys are getting away, the first
lover says "I thought you understood the
plan!"
The second lover said, "I did! I did exactly
what you said!"
"No, you idiot," he replied. "You got it all
mixed up. I said tie up the GUARD and
blow the SAFE!"

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