Wednesday, March 7, 2012

Some Wives can’t Sleep without making their Husbands do this…WEIRD!!!


Wife: Oh, come on.
Husband: Leave me alone!
Wife: It won't take long.
Husband: I won't be able to sleep afterwards.
Wife: I can't sleep without it.
Husband: Why do you think of things like this
in the middle of the night?
Wife: Because I'm Hot.
Husband: You get hot at the craziest times.
Wife: If you love me I wouldn't have to beg
you.
Husband: If you love me you'd be more
considerate.
Wife: You don't love me anymore.
Husband: Yes I do, but let's forget it for
tonight.
Wife: (Sob-Sob)
Husband: Alright, I'll do it.
Wife: What's the matter? Need a flashlight?
Husband: I can't find it.
Wife: Oh, for heaven's sake, feel for it!
Husband: There! Are you satisfied?
Wife: Oh, yes, honey.
Husband: Is it up far enough?
Wife: Oh, that's fine.
Husband: Now go to bed and from now on
when you want the window open, do it
yourself!!

Saturday, March 3, 2012

Reveal your Naughty bedroom secrets and earn a Prize


On the morning show at WBAM FM in Chicago,
IL, they call someone at work and ask if they're
married or in a serious relationship. If yes,
then this person is asked three very personal
questions and the significant other's name and
work phone number. If the significant other
answers correctly, then they are winners.
This particular day it got interesting:

DJ: HEY! This is Edgar on WBAM. Do you know
"Mate Match"?

Contestant: (laughing) Yes I do.

DJ: What is your name? First name only
please.
Contestant: Brian.

DJ: Are you married or what Brian?

Brian: Yes.

DJ: "Yes"? Does this mean your are "married"
or what, Brian?

Brian: (laughing nervously) Yes I am married.

DJ: Thank you, Brian. Okay, now, what is your
wife's name? First only please, Brian.

Brian: Sara.

DJ: Is Sara at work Brian?

Brian: She is gonna kill me.

DJ: Stay with me here Brian! Is she at work?

Brian: (laughing) Yes she is.

DJ: All right then, first question: When was
the last time you had sex?

Brian: She is gonna kill me.

DJ: BRIAN! Stay with me here man.

Brian: About 8 this morning.

DJ: Atta boy.

Brian: (laughing sheepishly) Well...

DJ: Number 2: How long did it last?

Brian: About 10 minutes.

DJ: Wow! You really want that trip huh? No
one would ever have said that if it there
weren't a trip at stake.

Brian: Yeah, it would be really nice.

DJ: Okay, final question: where was it that you
had sex at 8 this morning?

Brian: (laughing hard) I ummmmm...

DJ: This sounds good Brian; where was it?

Brian: Not that it was all that great, just that
her mom is staying with us for a couple of
weeks and she was taking a shower at the
time.

DJ: Ooooooh, sneaky boy!

Brian: On the kitchen table.

DJ: "Not that great"? That is more
adventurous than the last hundred times I
have done it. Anyway, (to audience) I will put
Brian on hold, get his wife's work number and
call her up. You listen to this.(Advertisements)

DJ: (to audience) Let's call Sara, shall we?
(touch tones...*ringing*)

DJ: Hey, is Sara around there somewhere?

Clerk: This is she.

DJ: Sara, this is Edgar with WBAM. I have
been speaking with Brian for a couple of hours
now.

Sara: (laughing) A couple of hours?

DJ: Well, a while anyway. He is also on the
line with us. Brian knows not to give away any
answers or you lose, soooooooo, do you know
the rules of "Mate Match"?

Sara: No.

DJ: Good.

Brian: (laughing)

Sara: (laughing) Brian, what the hell are you
up to?

Brian: (laughing) Just answer his questions
honestly, Okay? Sara: Oh, Brian.

DJ: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sara I will now ask you
three questions and if you answer exactly what
Brian has said, then the two of you are off to
Orlando, Florida at our expense. This does
include tickets to Disney World and Sea
World.

Sara: All right.

Brian: (laughing)

DJ: All right, when did you have sex last Sara?

Sara: Oh God, Brian...this morning before Brian
went to work.

DJ: What time?

Sara: About 8, I think. (sound effect) DING
DING DING.

DJ: Great! That's one. Now! How long did it
last?

Sara: Oh God! Brian...ummm, about 12, 14
minutes I think DING DING DING.

DJ: Okay, the judges say that's close enough, I
guess she's trying not to harm his manhood.

DJ: Last question: where did you do it?

Sara: OH MY GOD, BRIAN! You did not tell
them did you?!?!

Brian: Just tell him honey.

DJ: What is bothering you so much Sara?

Sara: Well, it's just ... just that my mom is
vacationing with us and...

DJ: SHE SAW?!?!

Sara: BRIAN?!?! Jesus?!?!

Brian: NO, no she didn't.

DJ: Ease up there sister. Just messin' with
your head. Your answer?

Sara: Dear Lord... Brian, I cannot believe you
told them this.

Brian: Come on honey it's for a trip to Florida.

DJ: Let's go Sara, we ain't got all day. Where
did you do it?
Sara: In the ass. (long pause)

DJ: We will be right back. (advertisements)

DJ: I am sorry for that ladies and gentlemen. This is live radio and these things do happen.
anyway, Brian and Sara are off to lovely
Orlando, Florida.

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Thursday, March 1, 2012

Have this Condition and a doctor may Laugh at you


Before the examination, Scott asked the doctor if they ever laughed at their patients' problems.


The Doctor replied 'Of course I won't laugh, I'm a professional. In over twenty years I've never laughed at a patient.


'Okay then,' Scott said, and proceeded to drop his trousers, revealing the tiniest 'whoo-ha' the doctor had ever seen. It couldn't have been bigger than the size of a AAA battery.


Unable to control himself, the doctor started giggling, then fell laughing to the floor. Ten minutes later he was able to struggle to his feet and regain his composure. I'm so sorry,' said the doctor. 'I really am. I don't know what came over me. On my honor as a doctor and a gentleman, I promise it won't happen again. Now, what seems to be the problem?'


It's swollen,' Scott replied.

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