21ST CENTURY LIFE

Our phones: Wireless

Cooking: fireless

Food: Fatless

Dresses: Sleeveless

Youth: Jobless

Leaders: Shameless

Relationships: Meaningless

Attitude: Careless

Feelings: Heartless

Education: Valueless

But still our hopes: Endless

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The helpful Doctor

One day a young man and woman were in their bedroom making love. All of a sudden a bumble bee entered the bedroom window. As the young lady parted her legs the bee entered her vagina. The woman started screaming, "Oh my god, help me, there's a bee in my vagina!".

 

The husband immediately took her to the local doctor and explained the situation. The doctor thought for a moment and said, "Hmm, tricky situation. But I have a solution to the problem if young sir would permit".

The husband being very concerned agreed that the doctor could use whatever method to get the bee out of his wife's vagina. The doctor said "OK, what I'm gonna do is rub some honey over the top of my penis and insert it into your wife's vagina. When I feel the bee getting closer to the tip of my dick I shall withdraw it and the bee should hopefully follow my penis out of your wife's vagina."

The husband nodded and gave his approval. The young lady said "Yes, yes, whatever, just get on with it."

So the doctor, after covering the tip of his penis with honey, inserted it into the young lady's vagina. After a few gentle strokes, the doctor said, "I don't think the bee has noticed the honey yet. Perhaps I should go a bit deeper".

So the doctor went deeper and deeper. After a while the doctor began shafting the young lady very hard indeed. The young lady began to quiver with excitement, she began to moan and groan aloud, "Oh doctor, doctor!" she shouted. The doctor, concentrating very hard, looked like he was enjoying himself.

He then put his hands on the young lady's breasts and started making loud noises.

The husband, at this point, suddenly became very annoyed and shouted. "Now wait a minute, what the hell do you think you're doing?!" he blasted.

The doctor, still concentrating, replied: "Change of plan, I'm gonna drown the bastard!!"

OTHER FUNNY POSTS

Our Beer

Three wishes Each

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Jail Better than Marriage

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Our Beer

Our beer which cometh in bottles, hallowed be thy drink, thy will be drunk, I will be drunk, at home as it is in the Tavern, give us each day, our daily beverage, and forgive our spillages, as we forgive those who spill against us and lead us not into incarceration, but deliver us from hangovers for thine is the Vodka, the shots and the cocktails, forever and ever , BARMEN

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Jail better than Marriage

A woman awoke during the night to find that her husband was not in bed. She put on her robe and went downstairs. He was sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee in front of him. He appeared to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall. She saw him wipe a tear from his eye and take a sip of his coffee.
"What's the matter dear? Why are you down here at this time of night?" she asked.
"Do you remember twenty years ago when we were dating and you were only 16?" he asked.
"Yes, I do," she replied.
"Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car making out?"
"Yes, I remember"
"Do you remember when he shoved that shotgun in my face and said, 'Either you marry my daughter or spend twenty years in jail?"
"Yes, I do," she said.
He wiped another tear from his cheek and said, "You know...I would have gotten out today."

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Two nuns....in the dark

 It is getting dark and they are still far away from the convent.

SM: Have you noticed that a man has been following us for the past thirty-eight and a half minutes? I wonder what he wants.

SL: It's logical. He wants to rape us.

SM: Oh, no! At this rate he will reach us in 15 minutes at the most! What can we do?

SL: The only logical thing to do of course is to walk faster.

SM: It's not working.

SL: Of course it's not working. The man did the only logical thing. He started to walk faster, too.

SM : So, what shall we do? At this rate he will reach us in one minute.

SL: The only logical thing we can do is split. You go that way and I'll go this way. He cannot follow us both. So the man decided to follow Sister Logical. Sister Mathematical arrives at the convent and is worried about what has happened to Sister Logical . Then Sister Logical arrives.

SM: Sister Logical! Thank God you are here! Tell me what happened!

SL: The only logical thing happened. The man couldn't follow us both, so he followed me.

SM : Yes, yes! But what happened then?

SL: The only logical thing happened. I started to run as fast as I could and he started to run as fast as he could.

SM : And?

SL : The only logical thing happened. He reached me.

SM : Oh, dear! What did you do?

SL : The only logical thing to do. I lifted my dress up.

SM : Oh, Sister! What did the man do?

SL : The only logical thing to do. He pulled down his pants.

SM: Oh, no! What happened then?

SL : Isn't it logical, Sister? A nun with her dress up can run faster than man with his pants down . And for those of you who thought it would be dirty... CAUGHT

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WTF Crazy Facts: chapter 1

In Japan they have vending machines for underwear.

Facebook is linked to one out of every five DIVORCES in the United States!

The most expensive tea bag has 280 diamonds on it and costs about $12,000!

A woman in Ohio has been charged with driving while talking on a cell phone and breast feeding her baby, all at the same time.

In 1980, a Las Vegas hospital suspended workers for betting on when patients would die.

There are a million ants for every person on Earth.

Until President Kennedy was killed, it wasn't a federal crime to assassinate the President.

In Tokyo, you can buy ice cream of many unusual flavors, including octopus, shrimp, horseflesh and cow tongue.

The creator of the NIKE Swoosh symbol was only paid $35 for the design

In Tokyo, you can buy ice cream of many unusual flavors, including octopus, shrimp, horseflesh and cow tongue.

During good sex, endorphins are released, which are powerful painkillers. So headaches are in fact a bad excuse not to have sex

A chicken who just lost its head can run the length of a football field before dropping dead.

The Chinese ideogram for 'trouble' depicts two women living under one roof.

There is over 70,000,000 rats in New York, That is an average of about 9 rats per person.

It’s been estimated that one out of every two hundred women is born with an extra nipple.

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Three wishes each

Fairy: I will grant you both 3 wishes each

Lion: I wish all the lions in the forest, except me, be female

Rabbit: I wish for a helmet

Lion: {lion thought}stupid rabbit, wasting wish

Lion: I wish all the lions in the next forest be female except for me

Rabbit: I wish for a motorbike

Lion was shocked again at the rabbit’s wish

Lion: make every lion in the world female! Except me!

Rabbit grinned started his bike and made his final wish : make this lion gay!

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Wise words of Mayuri Kurotsuchi

The reason why men pursue the concept of perfection is that it is an infatuation. If something is truly perfect, then that's it, the bottom line becomes, that there is no room for imagination, no space for intelligence or ability or improvement.


Perfection is a dead end, a condition of hopelessness. Always strive to be better than what came before you but not perfect. Scientists agonize over the attempt to archive perfection, that's the kind of creatures we are, we take joy in trying to exceed our grasp and trying to reach for something that in the end we may have to admit that it is unreachable.




 
Captain of Squad 12: Mayuri Kurotsuchi

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