LADIES, THIS IS THE KIND OF MAN YOU'RE LOOKING FOR... OR MAY BE NOT

John: At last I can hardly wait!
Mary: Do you want me to leave you?
John: no! Don’t ever think about it
Mary: do you love me?
John: of course, always have and always will
Mary: have you ever cheated on me?
John: no why you even asking?
Mary: will you kiss me?
John: every chance i get.
Mary: will you hit me?
John: hell no! Are you mad.
Mary: can i trust you?
John: yes
Mary: Darling!


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PERFECT ANSWERS TO STUPID QUESTIONS.

1. When people see you lying down, with your eyes closed they still ask:-
   Are you sleeping?
   A: No! I'm training to die!
   
   2. Imagine when you take an electronic equipment to a technician to get it
   ...fixed and he still asks you:- Need it to be fixed?
   A: No, it got bored of staying home alone so I brought It over for a ride.
   3. When It's raining and someone notices you going out, they ask: - Are
   you going out in this rain?
   A: No, in the next one.
   4. When you wake up, then comes an idiot asking you: - You Awake?
   A: No. I'm sleep walking!
   5. Your friend calls your home phone:- Where are you?
   A: At the bus stop!

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pregnant teen hahaha

A seventeen-year-old girl goes to see her mom and tells her that she
has missed her period for two months.


Very worried, the mother goes to the drugstore and buys a pregnancy
kit. The test result shows that the girl is pregnant.
...
Shouting, cursing, crying, the mother says, "Who was the pig that did
this to you? I want to know!!"

The girl picks up the phone and makes a call. Half an hour later a
brand new Ferrari stops at their house, a mature and distinguished man,
with grey hair and impeccably dressed in a very expensive suit steps
out of it and enters the house. He sits in the living room with the
father, the mother and the girl, and tells them:

"Good morning, your daughter has informed me of the problem.
However, I can't marry her because of my personal family situation,
but I'll take charge. If a girl is born I will bequeath her 3 stores,
2 townhouses, a beach villa and a $1,000,000 bank account.
If a boy is born, my legacy will be a couple of factories,
and a $1,000,000 bank account. If it is twins, a factory and $500,000
each. However, if there is a miscarriage..."

At this point, the father, who had remained silent all this time,
places a hand firmly on the man's shoulder and tells him:
"You'll screw her again!!!"

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My boyfriend is stuck

A young man was showing off his new sports car to his girlfriend. She was thrilled at the speed.

"If I do 200mph, will you take off your clothes?" he asked.

"Yes!" said his adventurous girlfriend.
...
And as he gets up to 200, she peeled off all her clothes.

Unable to keep his eyes on the road, the car skidded onto some gravel and flipped over. The naked girl was thrown clear, but he was jammed beneath the steering wheel.

"Go and get help!" he cried.

"But I can't. I'm naked and my clothes are gone!"

"Take my shoe", he said, "and cover yourself."

Holding the shoe over her pubes, the girl ran down the road and found a service station. Still holding the shoe between her legs, she pleaded to the service station proprietor, "Please help me! My boyfriend's stuck!"

The proprietor looked at the shoe and said, "There's nothing I can do...he's in too far."

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real honesty in love and realtionships

There is too much dishonesty in love and relationships nowadays so I sought to give a sample of what honesty in a marriage ceremony would entail... Here goes ....

We are gathered here in the presence of God and men to join these people in holy matrimony. We know they have been sleeping together in secret but now that can do it with the knowledge of everyone.

And as marriage is holy, at least in theory, I put it forth that if there is anyone in this gathering who has a valid reason why these two should not be joined, speak now or forever hold your peace. Anyone ..... Is there anyone .....? C'mon, he must have slept with some of you? Someone.... ? Anyone .... ? I know someone here has slept with her too? Well, I guess they were all one night stands.

Moving on swiftly. Mr Groom, do you take this woman as your lawfully wedded bride, to love to cherish and to hold, to listen to her whining halfway through the night, always suck up to her father, to always lose an argument or else..., to listen to unending lies about her having a headache when you really need to release steam, put up with PMS... sometime faked... till death do you part?

(I do?.....)

Very well. And do you Miss Bride, take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband, to love to cherish and to hold. To cook for, clean up after, give up watching soaps and anything interesting when there is football, find the toilet seat up every time, Clean pee of it, take care fo kids alone, house his in laws, cook tea for his friends during any important game for all the days of your life?

(I do? .... )

Well then, I pronounce you husband and wife. What God has joined, let no man, neighbour, handsome workmate, barmaid, beer brand, ex's, in-laws, milkman, driver or sexy secretary put asunder. You may kiss the bride...

Now THAT i call honesty!

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you must be a dentist

A guy and a girl meet at a bar. They get along so well that they decide to go to the girl's place.

A few drinks later, the guy takes off his shirt and then washes his hands.

He then takes of his trousers and washes his hands again.
...
The girl has been watching him and says, "You must be a dentist."

The guy, surprised, says "Yes! How did you figure that out?"

"Easy," she replied, "you keep washing your hands."

One thing led to another and they make love.

After they have done, the girl says, "You must be a good dentist."

The guy, now with a boosted ego says, "Sure, I'm a good dentist, How did you figure that out?"

"Didn't feel a thing!"

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